get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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