Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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