Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize