True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
