Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
