so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
