i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
