I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
