so explain again why im purple
no
I've blown a few things in my day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
