If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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