I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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