That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
