But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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