I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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