Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
