You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize