so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She bit a glass in half.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
