We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
