I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We just shotgunned beers for America
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize