he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
