I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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