I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
