Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
