why didn't you poke me back
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize