I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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