do herpes really smell.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
