no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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