someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize