Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He shit in the fireplace
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
