Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish life had little blips of pornography
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
