I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
