I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
