so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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