Got a toothbrush?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
