she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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