i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
