Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize