thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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