I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
