He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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