does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
