He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
