Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
