he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
