I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I AM VODKA MAN
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
