New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
