I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
