her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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