he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
