I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
