i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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