Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
