pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize