The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
