My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
