I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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