I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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