Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
