Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
