jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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