I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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