apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
