I don't think brook has ever known best
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize